Dipshits & Dumbasses II: The War of the Fair Folk
by Llwynog the Bard
Summary: The gang reconvenes for a weekend at Wayne's house, and are joined by a few more friends. In this adventure, they encounter the Fair Folk. Rated M for language. Highly recommend reading part 1, Dipshits & Dumbasses: The First Adventure. Disclaimer: I don't own Dungeons & Dragons.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, everyone. Welcome to the second installment of Dipshits & Dumbasses. I'm not sure yet how many installments there will be, but keep in mind that all of them that I upload are real campaigns that my friends and I played. This one happened later, so I remember more of it. I hope you enjoy part 2, The War of the Fair Folk._

* * *

**Dipshits & Dumbasses II: The War of the Fair Folk**

**Ch. 1**

"Hey," said Wayne. "I didn't expect you here this soon."

"Well, I thought I'd help get things set up," said Adam.

"Cool, cool," said Wayne. "Well here, help me peel these potatoes. I'm making homemade French fries." Adam took a potato peeler and set to work.

"I talked to John, by the way," he said as they peeled. "He said he has to work until ten, but he'll be here after he gets off. He's got to run by his house and get his things but then he'll be right over."

"That's fine," said Wayne. "I also did some talking. Tom and Zip said they'd be here, and so did Daniel."

"God dammit," said Adam. "I hate when he plays with us."

"I know," said Wayne, "but I felt bad for him. Besides, there'll be enough people that hopefully he can't fuck things up in the game too bad."

* * *

By the time they got the fries made and everything set up for the game, pretty much everyone had arrived. They sat around the table, got their things arranged the way they wanted, and then Wayne pulled his uncle's recliner up to the end of the table.

"Son of a bitch…" sighed Vernon, before Wayne could say anything, as he had just noticed what Joe was doing.

"Hey, Wayne," said Joe after a moment, "where can I set this?"

"Set wha-, Jesus, Joe…" He averted his gaze when he saw Joe brandishing a dry-erase board bearing the image of a great, veiny penis.

"It's the honorary penis," said Joe, clearly pleased with himself and his drawing.

"I know what it is, now put it away," Wayne demanded. "Sorry, you guys," he said, addressing the additions to their adventuring party. "He does this every time."

"Right," he said, after Joe had put away the drawing. "So some of you haven't played with us before. Before we start, I thought we'd do introductions like we did before."

Blake, Joe, Allen, Doug, and Vernon introduced their characters: Flin, the human cleric; Himo Augustus, the high-elven druid; Lukrain Evergreen, the human barbarian; Hrothgar, the dwarven fighter; and Naïlo, the half-elven ranger. Wayne then introduced his character which he would play as an NPC: Exq, the half-elven monk.

"I'm actually using a different character than last time," said Adam. "Now I'm Laucian Galanodel, Wood Elf Bard."

"Right on." Wayne turned to address the newcomers. "Now you know us," he said. "Now it's your turn to introduce your characters. Matt, how about you go first."

"Alright," said Tom. "I am Glim, a Gnome, and a Rogue."

"And now Daniel?" Wayne prompted.

"Ok," said Daniel, "I'm Thanor, a dwarven Cleric."

"And Zip," said Wayne.

"Dibo, Halfling Wizard," said Zip.

"You know what would be cool," said Adam to Daniel, "if you spelled your character's name with a thorn."

"A what?" Daniel asked incredulously.

"Here, let me see your character sheet." Daniel slid his sheet over to Adam, who then edited Austin's character name to read "Þanor".

"That does look pretty cool," said Daniel. "Alright, whatever, I'll leave it like that."

"Alright then," said Wayne, surveying the group. "Are we all ready?" They all answered in the affirmative. "Ok, let's get started." He opened his Dungeon Master's Guide, and the room was plunged into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dipshits & Dumbasses II: The War of the Fair Folk**

**Ch. 2**

When their vision finally came back into focus, the adventuring party found themselves in a grassy field near a crossroads. While the members of the group who had played before busied themselves with gathering their gear, the newcomers were panicking. This was especially true for Tom and Zip, who were now Glim and Dibo, who found their line of sight to be significantly lower than it was a few moments before, even more so than Daniel.

"What the fuck, man!" Tom cried out. "What the fuck!" Zip remained silent, but no less panicked.

"We've been transported to the game world," explained Adam. "You two decided to play small races, so now you are those races."

"So you mean to tell me I'm _actually_ a Gnome now?"

"That's right," Vernon affirmed.

"God damn…"

"So now what do we do?"

"We find civilization," said Allen. "Now let's see…the signs on this post say that east is 'The Sea', west leads to 'Margo Fen', south is 'The Mountains', and north leads to 'Seldan'." He paused for a moment. "Somehow I doubt we'll find anything at 'The Sea', and we're level one so we'll probably die in 'The Mountains'…Anyone know what a fen is?"

"Basically a marsh, swampland-type area," said Adam.

"So we probably don't want to go there," said Allen. "Not at this point, anyhow. So I guess we go north?" They agreed, and set out on the road north to Seldan.

* * *

The going was slow at first, since three of their number were still trying to adjust to their new, smaller bodies. Tom and Zip were especially slow, having to deal with the shock of what was happening around them as well as being so much smaller than everyone else. Eventually it was decided that, in order to make better time on their journey, the two small adventurers would have to be carried. The two strongest members of the party, Allen and Vernon, agreed to take on the burden of their small companions. Allen, being the largest member, took on Tom, who was slightly bigger than Zip, who was added to Vernon's load. After many long hours, with very few breaks, they could see the village off in the distance.

"Nearly there," said Blake, stating the obvious.

"Before anyone forgets to tell you," said Exq to the newcomers, "while you are in this world, you must remember your new name. Your friends may still call you by your outside name, but here you will be known by the names Glim, Dibo, and Þanor."

"Understood," said Zip, speaking for the three of them. Of the newcomers, he seemed to have adjusted most quickly over the course of the journey north.

When they finally reached the village, Vernon and Allen set their new companions back down on their feet.

"So now what do we do?" demanded Daniel. His gruff voice and bushy Dwarven eyebrows only added to his obvious irritability.

"We have a tradition for when we reach cities," said Adam. "Joe, would you care to lead us?"

"To the pub!" shouted Joe, thrusting his index finger into the air with authority. The rest then followed suit.

* * *

As they sat around a large round table, they began to discuss and debate. The seven who had adventured together before talked of what they might do next now that they had found a place to rest and get their bearings. The three new members still demanded more answers as to the nature of their situation.

"I think I may start spelling my name with that letter," said Doug, as he raised his tankard. "It looks Dwarfy. Hroþgar…yes, that's much better."

"Ok, great," said Tom, brushing off Doug's remark, "but what are we doing here? What's our plan?"

"Well, for one thing," said Adam, "we'll have to get used to using our character names. Last time we did this, after we ended Wayne told us he had a better campaign planned; I'm assuming this is the one he was talking about. So basically, we'll stay here for tonight, and then tomorrow we'll go around town and see what we can get into."

"So it really is just like if we were just at the table with dice, except we're actually in the game," Daniel surmised.

"Right," said Blake, "except last we did this, we found out the hard way that carrying capacity and armor check penalties count here. Normally Wayne doesn't bother with those, but this is different."

"You think?"

"So that's about it," Doug. "We'll hang around here, and then see what happens tomorrow."

"Wait a minute," said Allen. "Last time we did this, and we went to sleep, we woke up back in Joe's house. Won't that happen this time too?"

"No," said Exq, speaking for the first time in a while. "This magic only ends when Wayne decides it ends, which is when he gets tired. He's been preparing for this for a while, so he won't be getting tired soon."

"So no worries, then," said Vernon.

After several more hours, the adventurers were given cots in the common bedroom. They closed their eyes, and waited to see what the dawn would bring them.


End file.
